


Spider-Girl

by CES479



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cookies, F/M, Fluff, I am so sorry, Nonsense, Spiders, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4189083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CES479/pseuds/CES479
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble where a modern and industrious Cullen bravely kills a spider for a Trevelyan who is kind of a dork. Also, cookies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago, I saw a prompt on tumblr, or maybe even somewhere else, with a general premise about people meeting via killing spiders in a bathroom. I was visiting a friend this week out of state, and there were some spiders where I was staying, so I myself got to be terrified by killing them, which reminded me of that prompt and inspired me to produce this drabble.
> 
> Oh, did I say drabble? I meant grade-A certified nonsense.

The spider was _huge_. Terrifying. Monstrous. Clinging to her bathroom wall like some demon beast from the Void, remaining frozen as Evelyn stared down in horror at it. 

Her fear choked her at first, and no sound escaped from her open mouth. Then, one of the spider’s legs twitched, and a loud scream bubbled up in her throat and burst from her. She staggered backwards, then let out another sharp yelp. 

Evelyn spun on her heel out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, leaning against it with a whimper. Spiders. Maker, she hated spiders. 

Her first instinct after catching her breath was to pick up what she could carry and move. Out of her apartment. Permanently. Realizing how obscene of a solution that was, she re-evaluated her strategy—she sure as _fuck_ was not killing the thing herself.

She could call Dorian, but he lived quite far away, and the spider might move in the time it took for him to get here. That, and he’d probably only laugh hysterically at her request and then hang up the phone. 

There were her neighbors, none of which Evelyn knew well. She hurried out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, tying her cotton robe around her middle as she went. A severe-looking woman lived beside her—her name was Kaitlyn? Catherine? Cassandra! They’d exchanged small talk while Evelyn checked her mail on Sundays. Plus, the woman was a cop—or she wore the uniform, at least—so she’d have a gun handy in case things got dangerous with the spider. 

Evelyn opened her door to the hallway of her apartment complex and hurried a few feet down to the unit adjacent to hers. She hesitated, her fist hovering a few inches from the door, before she thought of the spider again with shaking breath and committed to knocking. 

Evelyn heard some shuffling from inside and looked down at her bare feet, wiggling her toes as she waited for the door to open. When it did, she looked up and furrowed her brow. 

Her dark-haired neighbor had not answered the door. Instead, a handsome man with blonde hair was standing before her. 

“You aren’t a woman,” she blurted out, then winced. Maker, she never quit making an idiot out of herself. 

The man pulled the door closer to him. “Um, no,” he said. “Can I help you?” 

Evelyn brought her hands to the collar of her robe, her face flaming. “I—Maker, I’m sorry. I was looking for Cassandra because I’m almost positive she lives here. And it’s not an emergency or anything but, um…” She took a small breath, then powered through her ramble. “There’s this spider in my bathroom, and I’m just _terrified_ of spiders, and I live alone, and I was hoping…you know, since Cassandra was a cop…” 

He regarded her with an odd look, cocking his head slightly. “Since she’s a cop she’d what—shoot the spider for you?” 

“I would not be opposed to that,” Evelyn replied, then cleared her throat. “A-Are you her…friend? Husband? Boyfriend? Random acquaintance? Do you have a gun?” 

“Friend,” he said. “And yes, I do have a gun. But, I’m not going to shoot a spider for you.” 

She fiddled with the tie around her waist. “What if I told you it was huge and terrifying?” 

He gave her a small smile and shook his head. “Still not a compelling enough reason,” he said, as he glanced back into the apartment. “I can help you, though. Would that be alright? Cass isn’t here. She’s out getting some food.”

Evelyn let out a huge sigh of relief, her shoulders slumping. “Oh, yes, _please_. Come with me.” 

She hurried back down the hall and heard him following her. She stopped with her hand half-turning the door knob. It occurred to her that inviting this random, very tall and strong-looking stranger into her apartment was probably _not_ an idea her mother would approve of. 

“Um…” Evelyn stopped and glanced over at him. “Are you a police officer? Like Cassandra?” 

“Detective,” he replied. “But yes.” 

Her face turned redder. “So, you’re not going to like…” She gestured vaguely with one hand. “Try and kill me or rob me or…” 

“No?” he began, voice uncertain. “Although, as an officer of the law, I should tell you that’s a terrible way to screen for someone who _would_ do that. I can’t really ever see anyone answering ‘yes’ to that question.” 

She grinned sheepishly. “Well, this is an emergency-,” 

“Because of the spider?” 

Evelyn thrust open the door. “Yes. Just come kill it. Please?” She pushed herself back into her apartment, her feet cold against the dark wood floor. She’d just cleaned that morning after being off work and was not totally mortified at the state of her kitchen and living room.

“My name is Evelyn, by the way,” she said awkwardly. 

“I’m Cullen.” 

Evelyn stopped at her bedroom. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said. “Sort of.” 

Her heart rate increased as the door creaked open. She slipped inside and Cullen followed her at a respectable distance. Her bedroom was small, but neat, with plenty of blue hues and the window open on the far wall to let the cool winter air into the room. 

“That’s my bathroom,” she said, pointing in front of her. “The spider is in there. On the wall above my bathtub.” 

Cullen had a thoroughly amused look on his face, his mouth pressed into a small smirk. A scar cut through one side of his lip, which might be attractive if he weren’t a total stranger standing in her bedroom because she was too frightened to kill one fucking spider. 

“What would you like me to kill it with?” he asked. 

“I think your gun should be an option that’s still open,” she replied, although she noticed that since he only had on dark jeans and a collared shirt, he was probably not packing at that moment in time. 

Cullen gave a small huff of a laugh, then knelt down to pick up a flimsy gray flip-flop. “Can I use this?” 

Evelyn nodded. “Yes. Just hurry.” 

He walked calmly over to her bathroom, opened the door, and stepped inside. He turned sideways, facing her tub, and the next thing she heard was a loud _smack_ as her shoe hit the white tile on the wall. 

“Did you—did you kill it?” Evelyn asked meekly, not moving any closer. 

Cullen walked back out, holding her flip-flop upside down. “Yes, would you like to-,” 

She swallowed her squeal and lurched sideways for her trash can. She held it out to him with her face turned away. “Just—throw it away. All of it.” 

He dropped the shoe inside with a confused look. “You could wash it off.” 

“No,” she said, “No. Better to get rid of it all. If I had my way, I’d get a new bathroom.” 

Cullen smiled slightly. “You really don’t like spiders.”

Evelyn put the trash can back down beside her desk. “That is an understatement,” she said as she walked out of her bedroom. 

He followed her and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It smells nice in here,” he remarked. 

“I was baking some cookies,” she said with a gesture towards her well-equipped kitchen. She walked over to her island and slid the platter of cookies onto her hands. “Would you like one?” she asked. 

His brow rose a little in surprise. Evelyn hoped she wasn’t being awkward. What was the harm in offering him a cookie? 

“Sure,” he said, his hand reaching out for one. “Thank you.” 

“I…” Evelyn trailed off once she realized Cullen was surveying the rest of her kitchen. She hunched inward slightly and bit her lip. On the lightly-colored, granite island, there was another platter of cookies, a chocolate cake, and a pan of brownies. 

“I bake when I’m stressed,” she explained. “Or sad. That and—I was going to take a bubble bath when I found the spider.” She shrugged. “Bathing and baked goods are my guilty habits.” 

Cullen finished the last bite of his cookie. “Why are you sad?” he asked, then stopped and turned a light pink across his cheeks. “Wait—no, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to intrude.” 

Evelyn put the platter back on the island and fiddled with her hair again. “Oh, it’s nothing too serious. Or…” She shifted and shook her head. “It is to me, at least. I’ll probably sound like a total dork, but…my—my dog died. A few days ago. He was a Mabari and just…quite special to me.” 

Cullen didn’t reply immediately, so she looked up at him. She could see his brown eyes better in the light from the kitchen—they were warm, understanding. 

“I don’t think that’s dorky at all.” 

Evelyn ran her hand down across her arm and held her elbow. She pointed to the wall across from them only a few feet away. “That’s us there. His name was Batman.” 

Cullen had walked over to peer at the small picture hanging at eye-level. He laughed.

“Batman? Like the superhero?” 

She joined him and grinned. “Yeah. I was a big fan as a child.” 

“That’s a nice picture,” Cullen said, glancing over at her. 

Evelyn nodded—it had been taken just a few months ago, her and Batman sitting on a park bench with her arms around him, his greying snout nuzzling her cheek. She cleared her throat, trying to stop the swell of emotions in her chest from producing any more tears. 

“Um—yes,” she said. “He was a great dog. Hence the…” She gestured back to all the food. “Coping cookies? I’m trying not to consume _too_ many of them. Luckily, I have a friend named Sera who eats like a vacuum and is as thin as a rail.” 

“They were excellent cookies,” he said. “Some of the best I’ve had, honestly.” 

Evelyn smiled, aware that she was probably _still_ blushing and had not stopped since he first opened the door to Cassandra’s apartment. “It’s sort of my job. I work at the coffee shop down the street and make all their pastries.” 

Cullen furrowed his brow and looked back at the wall. Her college diploma hung there around some pictures. She jumped and rushed to wrap her hands around the frame and pull it from its hook. 

“Wow—shit,” she said sheepishly. “I probably look a pretentious ass, my diploma hanging in my kitchen…” She placed it on the counter. “My parents were here last week. I put it on the wall _only_ when they come around. You know, in an attempt to subconsciously remind them I’m not a _total_ failure.”

Cullen chuckled. “I can understand that.” He peered over her shoulder from a safe distance, but she still managed to get a whiff of his cologne. He smelled heavenly. 

“So, you get a degree in chemistry-,” He stopped once he read the diploma more completely. “From _Yale_ and decide to become a baker?”

She tapped her fingers against the glass on the picture and shrugged. “Well, I was supposed to go to medical school, but…” She gave an awkward laugh. “But I didn’t exactly have the discipline for it.” 

Or the desire for that career, if she were honest. She’d hated school all her life—her parents had _dragged_ her kicking and screaming through the best boarding schools in the country, shucked her off to some of the greatest institutions—maybe because she was decently smart, but also because they had the money and influence for it. Admitting _that_ to this stranger—saying her all-too-recognizable last name—was not really something she liked to do. 

“You have the discipline for making good cookies, at least,” Cullen said. 

“Thanks,” Evelyn replied with another smile. 

He slid his hand along his jeans, suddenly looking bashful. “Well, I, ah, should probably head back to Cassandra’s.” 

“Right, right,” she said hastily, leading him to the door and opening it. “Thank you _seriously_ so much for—for, you know, the spider.” 

“It was no problem,” he said, then gave her a slight nod. “It--It was nice to meet you, Evelyn.” 

Her heart fluttered a little. His voice and the way his mouth quirked up when he grinned was just a little devastating. 

“It was—yes. And you, as well. Or…” She winced because her words made no _fucking_ sense. She cleared her throat. “It was nice to meet you too, Cullen.” 

He waved to her before he disappeared down the hallway, looking endeared by her fumbling as opposed to entertained by it. Evelyn waved back to him, then closed the door, her palms flat against it, before she dashed to the kitchen and buried her face in her books of recipes. 

===

On Sunday, Evelyn went down to the first floor of her apartment complex to the row of small, metal mailboxes along the wall. Like clockwork, Cassandra was there, her keys clinking together as she turned the lock to open her box. 

Evelyn approached her and cleared her throat. Cassandra looked up and gave a curt nod. 

“Good morning.” 

Evelyn shifted on her feet. “Good morning. Um—I don’t know if he mentioned it, but I met your friend Cullen a few days ago and-,” 

Cassandra tucked her mail under her arm. “Oh, yes,” she said. “You’re the spider-girl?” 

“Technically, yes,” she replied, after clearing her throat nervously. “He killed one for me because I _hate_ spiders and—well, never mind.” Evelyn held out a small plate covered in aluminum foil. “I made him some cookies. As a thank you. If it’s not too much trouble, I thought—I mean, I don’t know how often you two see each other, but I figured the best way to get them to him was…”

“You…made him cookies?” she said with a quizzical look. 

Evelyn’s shoulders slumped slightly. “Is that weird?” she asked. “I was only trying to find a way to thank him, but I can-,”

“No, no,” Cassandra said. “Cullen likes cookies. He is visiting me tomorrow. I will see to it that he gets these.” 

“Great,” Evelyn said, handing her the plate. “Thank you so much.” She took a tentative step back, then turned for the elevators. 

Cassandra’s voice stopped her. “You work at that coffee shop down the road, yes?” 

“I do,” Evelyn said. “All day, usually.” 

Cassandra just nodded in reply, and Evelyn took her cue to flee back to her apartment. She didn’t know what had possessed her to make this random man she’d had _one_ conversation with cookies. But she liked doing nice things, and he _was_ incredibly handsome, and maybe since she baked him something he’d be willing to kill another spider for her. Although, spotting a second one in her apartment seemed like reasonable grounds to pack up and move. 

Maker, did she hate spiders. But the handsome young men willing to squash said spiders for her? They weren’t so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am weak for the fluff and the fumbles. Please accept my apologies in advance.

Cullen knew Cassandra was in the kitchen by the disgusted noise she made. He jumped upon hearing her, hurriedly re-covering the plate he was peering at. 

“What’s wrong?” Cullen asked, feigning innocence as he turned around. 

Cassandra put her hands on her hips. “Eat the cookie. This…mooning is driving me crazy.” 

“ _Mooning_?” he began incredulously. “Don’t be—I wasn’t.” 

She rolled her eyes and passed him, opening the refrigerator and searching its shelves. Her appetite in the morning before she worked out was ravenous. “That girl gave you those cookies a week ago. You’ve been saving the last one for three days now. It’s ridiculous.” 

“I was…” Cullen swallowed, unable to come up with an adequate excuse. They were delicious cookies, and he wanted to savor them, but part of him would also be a little sad when they were gone. Which was ludicrous because he’d had _one_ conversation with this girl and there was simply no reason to be that attached to a thoughtful gesture or a person, but she was…very nice. She’d written him a little note and set it atop the cookies she’d made—it was signed _spider girl_ and had a dorky cartoon spider drawn on the bottom. 

It was endearing. But endearing was not grounds to make an idiot out of himself in front of some girl. 

Cullen sighed, grabbing the cookie and breaking it in half before popping it into his mouth. “Are you happy now?” he asked. 

Cassandra straightened, looking unimpressed. “We’re out of coffee.” 

He furrowed his brow. “I thought you went to the store yesterday?” He glanced over at her coffee-maker—that beverage was the majority of the reason why he came to her place in the mornings in the first place. 

She shrugged. “I forgot.” 

Cullen huffed. “I guess we can go without it for today.” 

“Run down the street to the coffee shop,” she suggested, un-twirling the tie on a loaf of bread for her toast. 

“Alright,” he said, walking around her island to reach for the coat he’d draped on it. He slid his arms into the sleeves. “Just be ready when I get back. I don’t want to be late.” 

Cullen stopped when he reached the door, hand hovering near the door knob. His heart stuttered in his chest. 

“Doesn’t— _Evelyn_ work there?” 

She put two pieces of bread into her toaster, attempting nonchalance. “Evelyn?” 

He huffed. “Spider girl.” 

Cassandra grinned. “Does she work there? I don’t recall.” 

“You’re insufferable,” Cullen muttered. He marched through the door without another word and made his way down the hallway. 

Nothing was going to happen with Evelyn. He would order two black coffees, then leave. First of all, he had no business assuming that this woman was single. Or that she would be conducive at all to him trying to get to know her better at her workplace. 

Cullen crossed the street, pulling his jacket tighter around him against the crisp fall breeze. He knew where the coffee shop was—he’d passed it a million times. Quaint, not modern, with wood accents throughout. 

He paused outside the door, trying not to look too conspicuous as he peered through the window. The air left his lungs in a sigh of relief when he saw a blonde head bobbing behind the counter. It was a petite young woman—not Evelyn—with short hair that looked like it had been cut with garden shears. 

The door creaked as he slipped inside. The place was mostly empty this early in the morning. For most people, both Cassandra and Cullen woke up at an ungodly hour. When he approached the counter, the blonde smiled crookedly at him.

“What’ll it be?” she asked. 

“Two black coffees, please,” he said, pulling his wallet out of his slacks as he spoke. 

“Right,” the girl said, and began clacking on the keys of the cash register. When nothing happened, she rapped her fingers clumsily against it before slapping the side. 

“Damn piece of…” Sera peered into the back room of the shop. “Eve! Come help me!” 

Cullen took a miniscule step back. His stomach churned because he knew just who _Eve_ was. 

The door flew open, and Evelyn appeared. She was wearing an apron, coated in a fine dusting of flour, that was also smeared along one cheek. Her dark hair was pulled back from her face. 

“What is it, Sera?” she asked. 

The blonde motioned exasperatedly at the register. Evelyn shook her head, walking over, though she didn’t notice Cullen as she pecked at the register. It dinged after a few seconds. 

Evelyn looked up at him, smiling politely. Maker, she had a nice smile. 

“Sorry for the-,” Her mouth snapped shut with a small squeak once she recognized him. “Um, I—hello. Cullen, right?” 

Cullen reached up and rubbed his neck, suddenly mortified and hating Cassandra for her meddling. “Yes,” he said. “It’s nice to see you again. I was—I didn’t know if you were working.”

“I’m just in the back,” she replied, then looked down self-consciously at her apron. “Making a mess.”

“Well, I’ve been meaning to thank you,” Cullen said, dropping his hand, though he continued to nervously clench his fist. “For the cookies? They were delicious.” 

Evelyn fiddled with the ties of her apron. “Oh, you’re welcome. It was the least I could do for all the help you gave me with that spider.” 

Sera slapped her hand down on the counter. “So you’re spider-boy?” she interjected, then immediately began appraising him. “You were right, Eve, he does have very muscular arms.” 

“ _Sera_ ,” Evelyn hissed, though Cullen didn’t hear the rest of her sentence because his head started swimming. He was red up to his ears, he knew it. 

Evelyn turned to him, stammering sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry if that…” She was interrupted by a timer ringing shrilly in the room behind them. “Oh thank the Maker,” she muttered under her breath. 

Evelyn stepped back, one hand already gesturing through the threshold. “I should go. I don’t want anything to burn. It was nice to see you, Cullen.” She glared at Sera. “ _Behave_ ,” she snapped before disappearing. 

There were far too many words caught in Cullen’s throat for him to reply. In fact, he thought so long about what he should say, he didn’t notice Sera plop two coffees in front of him. 

“Here you go, blondie.” 

“Thank you,” Cullen said hastily. “How much do I owe you?” 

Sera waved her hand. “Don’t worry about it. Seeing Eve that flustered was more than worth two coffees.” 

“Well, um…” He cleared his throat. “Thank you, then.” 

Cullen stuffed his wallet back into his slacks so he could take a coffee in each hand. He hesitated, floundering slightly with what he wanted to do, before giving a small nod and turning. When he was close to the door, Sera’s voice echoed loudly across the room. 

“You really not going to ask for Eve’s number?” 

Cullen turned on his heel, jaw unhinged a little at Sera’s forcefulness. “Well, I…” 

Sera crossed her arms and leaned one hip against the counter. “I mean, sure, she can’t string words together for shite, but doesn’t seem like you can either.” She waved her hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” 

Cullen blanched--this woman did _not_ need to do these things for him. "I can-,"

Sera ignored him and craned her neck around. “Eve!” she called. “It broke again.”

Evelyn appeared immediately, a small slash in her brow. “Again? Maker’s-,” 

Cullen had walked over to the counter, _determined_ to be brave enough to follow through on his plan. She looked flustered to see him again. 

Sera gestured with one thumb to him. “Blondie wants your number.”

Evelyn’s brow rose high up her forehead. “R-Really?” she stammered, then sharply shook her head. “Oh, no he does not—Maker, Sera, would you quit being so-,” 

“I do,” Cullen blurted out, thrusting the coffees back onto the counter. “I mean, only if you’d like. We could go…” He gathered his courage with a clench of his fist. “Out for coffee sometime?” 

Evelyn snorted. “No coffee please,” she said. “But, I’d—love to go to lunch?” 

“Absolutely,” Cullen replied. “I would…like that.” 

Evelyn gave a small smile. “Great. Me too.” She stood there, rocking on her toes, before Sera nudged her. 

“Right,” she said hastily, lurching forward to procure a small slip of paper and a pen. She scratched out her phone number, her hair falling from its tie across her face. He resisted the urge to touch the errant strands. 

“Here,” she said, sliding the paper across the counter to him. Her cheeks were flushed, but Cullen thought it was…charming. 

He tried not to look too desperate grabbing the scrap, though it elated him. This morning might be his best in months. “I will call you,” he said. “Definitely.” He tucked it into his pocket before grabbing his rapidly-cooling coffees again. 

Evelyn looked immensely pleased, and that made _him_ pleased too. “I look forward to it,” she said.

Cullen waved with one cup because he couldn’t think of any other words. Evelyn returned his gesture before fleeing to the back room. Cullen retreated as well, trying very hard to keep a stupid smile off his face. 

He significantly increased his attempt at that when he reached Cassandra’s apartment. He did not need her lording over him because he’d gotten the courage to ask a woman for her phone number. Though that’s not _exactly_ how it had happened. 

Cassandra _did_ ask him about his trip with a teasing smile, and he successfully evaded her, pretending to be absorbed in his coffee. For how little Cassandra cared to talk about her feelings, she certainly pestered him enough about his romantic life and the way a _proper_ gentleman should act. When she went to her room to grab her bags, he rifled through his pocket for Evelyn’s number. 

He unfolded the scrap of paper. Her phone number was written on it, as well as the same small cartoon spider she’d drawn before.

Oh yes, Cullen was definitely smiling stupidly now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What dorks! But I wanted to add more, as promised. Though, the fluff is at nuclear levels right now, and I'm afraid it's far too much. :P


End file.
